


Guilt

by Starscream_CharSiew



Series: Yogscast Pacific Rim AU [2]
Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Btw Kogie and Leo are dead sorry, Friendship, Gen, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pacific Rim AU, Pacific Yogs, is not actually shippy but is suspiciously so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-14
Updated: 2014-10-14
Packaged: 2018-02-21 04:32:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2454839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starscream_CharSiew/pseuds/Starscream_CharSiew
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Parv, Sparkles*, Leo, and Kogie were a team once, Sparkles* being Parv's drift partner. With twin jaegers they fought off the kaiju menace. But that was years ago. They were all dead. Only Parv survived. So when Parv is finally told that Sparkles* is alive, he doesn't know what to do. He feels responsible for their deaths and cannot face his old drift partner. Luckily his new drift partner, Strife, is there to knock some sense into him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> I received a headcanon on my tumblr and decided to write about it. You can read it here: http://potatoes-n-stuff.tumblr.com/post/96870072838/2-2-even-though-hes-left-crippled-when-youve-been
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Cross posted on tumblr (a long while ago)

The last memory Parv had of Sparkles* was a sharp pain in his back, a pain that radiated down from the middle of his spinal cord to his legs. The pain had flooded through the drift, making his vision go white and numbing the rest of his senses. The next thing he knew, the left side of his body felt like it had been ripped off, his head filled with a splitting headache and his mind feeling as if a portion of it had been torn apart. Sparkles* was gone, ripped from their jaeger by the powerful jaws of a kaiju.

Parv did not remember much after that. He fought the kaiju off blindly, each punch delivered and every shot fired fueled purely by pain and hatred. All the nerves in his left side stung and burned with every move he made. His throbbing head did not help and only barely registered the fact that the kaiju had fallen a few moments later. With his comms gone, his partner dead, and with everything hurting, he knew not what to do. He vaguely remembered walking off in no apparent direction, stopping only when he reached dry land and collapsed.

Now, with Strife as his drift partner, he tried not to remember these things. He did not want to think of what would happen if he lost Strife like that too. His mind and his body just could not take it. All of it was in the past anyway. He had to move on. Sparkles* was dead.

Or so he thought.  
—-

He never saw it coming when Strife approached him at the dining area during lunch one day with the most serious expression he had ever seen. Strife was always stern, but this was different. This almost looked as if the world was at stake. But, thinking nothing of it, Parv went ahead yelling “Willy Willy Strifeykins! How are you doing today?” as a greeting, fully expecting some sort of undignified outburst or even a smack on the back of his head from his drift partner. None of it came. Then he knew something was terribly wrong.

"Parvis," the CEO said once he was beside the other, "they found Sparkles*."

Parv’s face drained of all its colour, his eyes going wide as he looked up at the other. “W-what?” It was not possible. Sparkles* was gone. He refused to believe it.

"Sparkles*, your drift partner. Dave found him."

"No, no, no…" Parv muttered to himself, looking down at his hands before shaking his head violently. "No! Sparkles* is dead! I killed him! All of them died because of me! All of them, they are all dead!" Without thinking, the man got up and bolted.

"Parvis!" Will had screamed after him, but it was too late. Parv had disappeared into the crowd.  
—-

A few hours had passed before Strife finally found Parv. He had found the man sitting atop one of the maintenance platforms beside his black and red jaeger’s head, clutching his knees up to his chest and his face buried in his knees.

"Parvis…?" he called out softly as he approached the man.

"Go away, Will," came the reply, the man only curling up further.

"Sparkles* wants to see you. Don’t you want to see your drift partner? Are you not happy that he is alive, Parvis?" Strife continued anyway, walking up to Parv and sitting down beside him, only to have the other try to scoot away from him. "Would you rather him be dead, Parvis? Would you?" he asked again, his voice now louder, starting to feel anger bubble up within him.  
Parv only whimpered softly and shook his head.

"You want him dead, don’t you? Are you planning on letting me die at battle too? You don’t care about your partners, do you, Parvis?!" Now he was shouting, accusing the man even though he knew better. Parv was not like that. But he needed to knock some sense into him.

Parv finally could take it no longer. “NO!” he screamed, looking up to glare at the CEO with tears streaked down his cheeks. “You just don’t get it, do you, _Mr Strife_?” He paused, sniffling snlightly. “I don’t want you dead. I’m glad that Sparkles* is alive. Nothing could make me happier. But… But…” With another whimper, Parv buried his face into his hands and muttered, “But there is no way he would want to see me.”

"Parvis, Sparkles* said he wants to see you. He knows that yo-"

"I don’t care what he said!" Parv screamed again. "I got them all killed! Even if Sparkles* is alive, I killed Leo and Kogie! They all died because of ME!" With a few shaky breaths, he seemed to calm down again. "I… I could never face him again."

"Look, Parvis, Sparkles* wanted me to tell you that he never blamed you for any of this. He wants to see you, he wants you to forgive yourself, he wants to know how you are doing. He cares about you, Parvis."

"I DON’T CARE!" This time, Parv slammed his fist against the hard metal floor, tears steaming down his face. "I DON’T CARE WHAT HE THINKS. I KILLED THEM ALL AND I WILL NEVER-"

Strife did not even wait for Parv to finish before picking a clipboard a careless engineer had left on the platform off the floor and smacking the other on the head with it.

"God, Parvis, stop acting like a child and stop throwing a tantrum! Whether you like it or not, Sparkles* does not hate you. And if you really think you owe him, you should do what he wants and go speak with him."

There was a pathetic “Ow!” and the action of the other clutching his head that followed, but at least Parv had stopped. He looked down at his hands for a moment, before sighing and nodding slowly. “You are right, Will. I’ll go see him.”

"Good. Now come on." With that, strife stood and extended a hand to his drift parter, helping him up.  
—-

Shaking slightly and looking down at his feet, Parv followed Strife to one of the pilot’s quarters that had been previously unoccupied. He had been told that Sparkles* was living there now. He only looked up once he heard Strife knock on the door and the heavy door squeak as it opened.

"Hey! Look who it is. It’s Parv! C’mere."

"S-Sparkles*…? It’s really you…" What Parv saw at the door made his heart wrench. His previous drift partner sat in a wheelchair, his legs presumably useless, long, pronounced scars tracing down his left arm and a few smaller scars along his cheek. He could not see the other’s torso due to his shirt, but he could already imagine the damage that incident with the kaiju had caused.

"Of course it’s me you idiot. Now get your arse over here."

Tears welled up in Parv’s eyes as he quickly nodded and lunged forward to envelop the man in a crushing hug. “I’m so sorry, Sparkles*, I’m so sorry… I-I never meant for it to-“

"Shhhh, it’s alright," the other whispered, gently patting the trembling man on the back, hoping to calm him. "Enough of the past. How are things now? I see you got yourself a new drift partner?"

Parv still sniffled and managed a nod, his tears now starting to soak into his friend’s shirt.

"You got a new jaeger too?"

"W-well," his voice still shook from crying, "they managed to salvage some of our old one. Then they patched it up and made it all new again. It’s red and black now instead of black and white, since Strifey here likes red so much." With that, he managed to crack a little smile.

"What’s her name?"

"We… We haven’t decided. We can’t agree on a name."

"Well then, remember Kogie and Leo’s jaeger?"

"Y-yeah?"

"Do something with that name, make them proud."


End file.
